Chocolate covered frustration

My ass is big. Why? My main coping mechanism is food- specifically, chocolate. John McCain opens his trap, I turn to nestle. Another poll reflecting the presidential race is tie- its off to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Polar Bears? Time for Betty Crocker.

House Republicans are douche bags. I know we should elevate the conversation, but those jerks are directly responsible for my consumption of 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream sandwich. Watching their little 'sit-in' on the adjourned house floor today started the binge. What a debauchery- they have had control- nay a filibuster proof majority for at least a decade and now all of the sudden there is an urgent need to ease Americas oil woes? I had to throw in some cinnamon bears and chocolate covered raisins when the news reported that yet again- Americans have caved to the culture of fear and now resoundingly support offshore drilling. Incidentally, they support offshore drilling, even though most believe it wont lower gas prices.

Someone suggested that I should not underestimate the intelligence of the American populace. My response? LOLZ where is my chocolate fudge brownie Ben and Jerry's? We are referring to a population of people who voted for someone they could have a beer with and ADDED BONUS we don't have to next door to married homos and we can continue to infringe on Woman's reproductive rights (by writ of the great wizard in the sky.. you filthy heathen). Fear numbs the mind. Perhaps we have been numb so long we cant see reality anymore.

Between mouth fulls, I made phone calls to anyone and everyone who would listen. Nancy Pelosi and Joe Baca were obviously not in, but I left them messages urging them to remind their Republican counterparts that Exxon Mobil reported record profits yet again, while decreasing production (even though demand is increasing). I reminded Harry Reid and Barbara Boxer that pursuing green sources of energy will provide new American jobs and energy independence- in half the time (10 years) it would take to save a few pennies on domestic oil production (20 years). Hey Governator! It would actually take 10 years to even begin more drilling domestically.

For more fun energy crisis facts, please see my previous rant.

As my hips continue to expand, I wonder why I didn't choose the blue pill.